What I Learned from Starting Over at Age 41

This past week marked the one-year anniversary of my return back to the US. It’s been an intense period of transition and life changes. These included the loss of my brother, the end of a seven-year chapter living in China, facing and healing childhood and adolescent trauma, taking on a care giving role to support my 87 year old mother, finding my voice as a spiritual entrepreneur and navigating life solo. As someone who recreated her life at age 41, here are three things I wish I’d know beforehand to help me through a time of such intense transformation and change:

1)    Honor yourself where you are

When I was younger, I fully expected that by the time I reached my 40’s I’d be married with children, settled down somewhere in Europe and living my best life. Instead I found myself a single mother of two fur babies, relocating on my own back to the US to stay with my mom with no clear path forward. As I prepared to leave China, I convinced myself that this was a temporary phase and that in a few months I’d be moving to Europe. However, upon returning back to the US my nervous system went into overdrive as all of the unprocessed trauma from my family situation and place of birth hit hard. As a result, I spent the first half of the year in survival mode, sinking into a deep situational depression. I remember doing a healing session with a channeler who told me that I was not meant to focus on business or moving at that time, but rather on healing my current situation. I experienced a lot of resistance, as all that I wanted at that moment was an escape from the trauma surrounding me. Things started to change when I finally embraced the discomfort, shifted my internal narrative from judgment to acceptance, asked what this experience was teaching me and opened myself up to do the bigger internal work. I realized that what my soul actually needed at that moment was to acknowledge the shadow, be with the pain and heal. I learned the important lesson that taking time in life to withdraw, to be still and receive is just as necessary to our soul’s deeper evolution and growth as taking action and being in “doing” mode.

2)    Seek out a support system

I have experienced depression multiple times in my life and know well the feeling of inertia and being stuck, wondering if you will ever climb out of the deep dark hole of sadness, fear and despair. When that familiar feeling returned, I realized that it was time to find support in order to rise back into the light. Being a healer myself, I was very aware that I needed more than just a traditional therapist. Help came in the form of my current Spiritual Mentor, Alice McCready. Alice was my teacher during my Akashic Records certification so I already knew her, trusted her and looked up to her as a healer. Having a sacred space each week where I could share my challenges, be seen, honored and supported in my rawest state as I delved into the depths of my shadows to rewrite my mental narrative was pivotal for me in order to shift into the energy of love, hope and possibilities. Despite everything around me being in flux, I had the consistency of having my weekly sessions and knowing that I had someone to walk with me through the challenging times, to hold me accountable as I faced the discomfort of shedding one identity to evolve into the next version of myself. If you are going through a transition, I highly recommend finding support in the form of a coach, healer, therapist, friend: whatever resonates best for you.

3)    Trust that everything is happening for your greater good

When I returned to the US, I had a lot of internal conflict and resentment towards my situation. I was unhappy with my loss of independence, stressed with my living environment and felt disconnected from the friends I used to have as one chapter closed and another began. Despite my efforts to meet people in Philadelphia, I continued to feel like a fish out of water, with no community or support network. However, when I started to get curious about why my soul had led me back to my birthplace and to find gratitude for all the blessings this experience has given me, I realized that Philadelphia was exactly where I needed to be, the vital next step in my deeper personal evolution. I had to face and heal the trauma hidden in my unconscious and learn certain lessons in order to end unhealthy patterns in my own life. Moreover, the insights that I gained were necessary in fulfilling my deeper path of service. As my mentor Alice says, there is nothing more dangerous than a healer who is not receiving healing her/himself. I had to do the inner work in order to then help in a deeper and more authentic way others navigating challenges, transitions and change. Trusting that everything was happening for me, instead of to me, and finding gratitude within even the most challenging moments shifted me out of ego and into a space of love and possibility. Although this year has been one of solitude, this too has been a blessing: it has allowed me to find my own authentic voice, to reconnect with my inner needs and remember my unique gifts and magic.

To anyone navigating a tough transition, remember that nothing in life is permanent. Your willingness to embrace the discomfort, to open up to change and find the blessings and learnings in this in-between cycle can alchemize the most challenging periods into being one of your greatest gifts. Our true power lies in our ability to see, honor and love ourselves through the messiest parts of life.