Three Powerful Lessons I learned from Reparenting my Inner Child

We will close out 2023 with a potent Full Moon in Cancer, a sign connected to nurturing, family, intuition and deep emotions. As the moon enters its home sign, this energy guides us in processing and releasing deep emotions that may surface from the past. A beautiful way to work with this moon is through connecting to and honoring your inner child.

Over the past year, I have engaged in a deep and layered process of inner child healing. I feel that this work is essential for all of us to explore as we move through a world of intense transition and change. Our inner child illuminates the beliefs hidden in our unconscious, regulates our nervous system and holds the key to successfully manifesting the life we most deeply desire. I’d like to share with you three powerful lessons I have learned through reparenting my inner child:

1) It's ok to honor your own needs first

I grew up in an environment where safety and security came from being the “good girl”. I followed the rules, excelled in school and put a lot of pressure on myself to be the perfect daughter. I got so used to people pleasing that this became an innate tendency as an adult, to the point where conflict with anyone close to me and the potential of disappointing them by speaking my needs caused extreme anxiety. My norm became to take ownership for problems that often weren’t mine, to silence my voice and allow others to make most decisions for me. The most important (and uncomfortable) work that I did when reconnecting to my inner child involved listening to her needs, honoring the emotions that came up and speaking my truth. This meant saying no to things that didn’t feel good. Creating healthy boundaries. Releasing relationships that did not have an equal energy exchange. Doing something from an intention of desire rather than of obligation. These intentional practices showed the universe that I know my worth and created an energetic upgrade, mirroring back new people and situations that supported me in stepping into my power.

2) Belonging comes from within

My inner child’s deepest core wound was the feeling of not belonging. While growing up I didn’t have many friends, I never fit into a clique in school and was bullied. I constantly looked to external sources for validation in an effort to feel accepted. This validation generally came either from my parents or from teachers at school for “achieving” something (ex a good grade). The process of reparenting my inner child involved giving her the unconditional love she had never received, to love little Sarah not for “doing” but simply for “being”. It took some time to shift the conditioning in my unconscious that I had to do things perfectly in order to be enough. As I rewrote my story, I came to understand that the most profound love we can ever truly receive comes from within. I had to show my inner child that I saw and accepted her exactly as she was, that she was already whole and complete on her own and didn’t need anyone to mirror that back to her. As adults, many of us seek validation from our relationships and then become frustrated when the other person doesn’t give us what we need. Finding belonging from within provides the anchor that allows us to truly understand and honor our inner magic, to stay grounded in any relationship and to come back to center through the endings that will inevitably occur in our lives.

3) Your emotions are your responsibility

During childhood, I was never taught how to express emotions in a healthy way. I therefore would repress everything and withdraw from a situation when I felt hurt. As an adult, this evolved into passive aggressive tendencies in relationships. My norm became to bottle up my emotions until I got triggered, to the point where the feelings would suddenly and explosively gush out like a waterfall in the form of anger and resentment. Meanwhile, the other person often had no idea that they had done something to upset me. As I did the inner child work, I realized that it was time for me to take responsibility for my own emotions. The reality is that no one can “make” you feel anything, you have full sovereignty over the way that you react to a situation. I stopped shifting the blame towards the other person when I got upset, asked myself what was being triggered (usually a wound from childhood) and engaged in practices to regulate my nervous system. As a result, I am now better able to respond instead of react to a situation when the inevitable triggers happen and to express my needs in a healthy way. (This learning may come in handy when interacting with your family over the holidays).

As we end the year, I invite you to find a picture of yourself as a child and spend some time reconnecting with your original essence. What message does your inner child have for you? What emotions have been coming up that need to be acknowledged? Is there something from the past that you are now ready to release as we move into the new year?