Learnings from a Sibling with Autism

Last week’s full moon in Cancer illuminated a focus upon family. For me, this has included honoring the one-year anniversary of my brother Michael’s passing. Michael had autism and his departure at the young age of 45 was sudden and unexpected. In his memory, I’d like to share some reflections about my experiences having a sibling with autism.

I believe that some of the most highly evolved souls choose to reincarnate with a developmental disability. It is not a journey for the faint of heart. As an individual with autism, Michael did not fit into the matrix of society or even fully into this dimension. He constantly had one foot with us and the other with Spirit. Michael was extremely intelligent but struggled to communicate his message, limited by the restrictions of his human disorder. He often asked the same questions and would get caught up in rituals; these were repetitive routines such as an inability to sit down once, feeling compelled instead to go up and down various times. Michael was not able to live at home and my parents experienced many challenges in finding a place that could fully support his needs. As a teenager, Michael went to a special needs boarding school where he was deeply unhappy. There is a range in the autism spectrum-some adults have speech and can function in daily life at a high level; other cannot. Michael was quite chatty and social, even if his unique method of communication was not always understood. He had much more of an interest in interacting with the staff who worked with him, humans fully embodied in this dimension, than with other individuals who had a developmental disorder. His journey was a lonely one, never truly feeling integrated into any community.

Michael was a teacher to my parents, to me and to the staff who worked with him. In our relationship as siblings, we mirrored the challenge of finding acceptance and belonging. I didn’t fit into a clique growing up, my interests always lying outside of the “norm”. When out in public, I witnessed the way that others who did not understand Michael would react, often with trepidation or fear towards his unusual behavior patterns. These moments helped me in developing empathy and the ability to see beyond limitations imposed by society of race, age, gender, etc. My experiences with Michael taught me compassion for others, acceptance and unconditional love, an understanding of how to look beyond the exterior of each person and see the beautiful potential of the soul lying within.

Michael also demonstrated the importance of cultivating joy in this lifetime. He always maintained a strong connection to his inner child, sharing a love of Sesame Street and a passion for trains. Each time that we spoke Michael would, without fail, ask me which trains or subways I had taken recently, his face lighting up as he listed his recommendations for all of the lines to try in the future. Michael’s playfulness and childlike curiosity demonstrated his connection to Spirit, reminding me that joy can be found in even the most mundane of activities and that seeking it out is a conscious choice.

Perhaps the most important lesson Michael taught me was that of self-acceptance. As I grew, evolved, discovered my unique gifts and eventually found myself navigating a different life path that my parents didn’t fully understand or always agree with, I sometimes felt like the black sheep (or colorful unicorn) of the family. With Michael, however, there was always a peaceful and unconditional acceptance for my decisions; he gave me positive feedback for everything from launching my own business as an Intuitive Healer to baking gluten free and high vibrational desserts. Michael was always gentle, kind and loving, embodying the qualities that my soul, at times burdened by self-criticism, so deeply needed at the time.   

If you ever encounter someone who has a developmental disability, I encourage you to move beyond the external and get to know them. Consider what they can teach you, the light they embody and share with the world. My experiences with Michael were a gift in my soul’s evolution, showing me the true meaning of love, patience and acceptance. His influence inspired me to share these qualities with others, to create a ripple effect so needed in our world at this time.

In loving memory of Michael, my greatest teacher.